The last few days, Meredith has slept in her own bed. She did once a few days before we left on holidays, but then was in our bed again the next few nights and then we were traveling. But this week she has wanted to go to her own bed every night. She’s woken up each night around 1 or 2 and at that point I’d bring her into our bed with us and we’d all sleep there until morning.
Then yesterday, she woke up in my bed and asked why she wasn’t in her bed. It caught me a bit by surprise and I told her I’d brought her into our room when she’d woken up. She told me she wanted to sleep in her bed all night. So last night, she fell asleep once again in her bed. She woke up at 4am and I went in there and asked if she wanted to come back to my room with me. She said no. She needed to pee, and then we cuddled and nursed a bit and she fell back asleep. She woke up again around 7am and it was so bright in her room at that point that I did bring her back to my room (which she was okay with) and she fell asleep again there, cuddling with me, which was nice.
It’s weird for me, not having her in our room. A very small part of me is sad, and I wonder if she feels pushed or replaced in any way (though I can’t think of anything specifically that we’ve said or done that might cause her to think that). I really enjoy having her in the room, and cuddling with her in the middle of the night. I miss waking up next to her in the morning and just snuggling and chatting and giggling for a half hour until one of us needs to get up to pee. We haven’t been able to do much of any of that with a new baby in the room, especially since the baby normally wakes up before her. I know that as Fiona grows and becomes less needy it will be possible again, and then I’ll have two little girls to snuggle and giggle with.
The rest of me is partially excited that she’s showing so much independence all of a sudden. While I don’t really care what other people think, it is always nice to have my opinions and thoughts proven this way. I have been accused of making her dependent and anti-social, neither of which seems to be true at all. I’m glad I trusted myself and Meredith.
I’m also really glad that I’ve never done or said anything to try and push or coerce her into her own room. Though I did occasionally put her in her bed for naps when she still napped, I don’t think I’ve ever so much as mentioned that she could sleep in her bed over night. She hasn’t always been in my bed recently, as we would often start her off in the night in Kris’ side. But she was always welcome to come over to my side if she wanted, and often she did. If she wanted me to cuddle with her, I always did unless Fiona was awake, in which case she could cuddle with Kris or come and lie with me and wait for Fiona to be done nursing. To my knowledge, no one has ever told her that her bed is for big girls or that she’s a big girl now or anything along those lines. I feel really good that this move (if it’s permanent, as I realize it could just be her experimenting and next week she might be back with us), is completely of her own volition.
I guess it’s another one of those bittersweet milestones that seem to come all too quickly.
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Sam has been saying that maybe she will sleep in her bed tonight for a long time, but when it actually comes time she decides not to. I think she really wants to, but is still a little too scared.
Meredith had asked several times before, but each time she’d nursed a bit in her room and then asked to come back to ours before she even fell asleep. I’m really surprised at how quickly she’s suddenly decided she wants to be in her own room. I wonder if me getting up several times in the night with Fiona is disturbing to her?