We had a busy Thanksgiving weekend here. My twin sisters came to visit from Calgary. One of them has only visited once, and it was four or five years ago. The other has never been out here. So it was really neat to see them. I really haven’t spent much time alone with them in a long time. When I moved away from home, they were only thirteen. They are twenty-one now. Even though intellectually I know that they’re older and more mature, they’re still my baby sisters. It was neat to see just how mature and, well, adult, they are. We had a ton of fun. Meredith called them Bob or Baba (Melissa) and Kaw-wee (Kayley). She can be a bit shy and quiet around people she doesn’t know well, but she adored them from about two minutes after they got here.

My sisters have a friend who was in town just for the weekend who is spending the semester in Bamfield. She brought someone with her from Bamfield, and one of their friends flew up from Calgary to visit her. Since they had no where to go for Thanksgiving dinner, we invited them over, along with a good friend of ours who moved out here with me eight years ago and has no family here. All in all, we had eight people for Thanksgiving. I’ve never really cooked for more than four or five. (I grew up in a family of six, but I made one mistake once while cooking for them and after that my mom decided I was a terrible cook and I never had to cook for the whole family again, besides helping out with stuff they were doing.)

I was a bit nervous, but did a lot of prep work Saturday and made what I could ahead of time. So Saturday I made stock, mushroom gravy, cranberry sauce, and cranberry relish. I also cut up what veggies I wasn’t worried about going brown overnight and prepped a few other dishes.

Sunday morning my sisters arrived, and they were a huge help in tidying, prepping, and cooking. Everything ended up working out really well and was timed almost perfectly. The turkey ended up being done early, but we just turned the oven down and continued basting it a lot and it was fine. I forgot about the buns while they were rising, so they rose a little too long but still tasted delicious. My two crockpots came in really handy.

In the end, we had buns, green salad, avocado and asparagus salad, garlic herb turkey, stuffing, ham, apple sauce, mushroom gravy, cranberry sauce, cranberry relish, broccoli and cauliflower in cheese sauce, scalloped potatoes, and yam and apple casserole. There weren’t as many left overs as I’d expected there might be. Most of the side dishes were gone that night or the next day for lunch. I actually had a lot of fun, and can definitely see myself doing something like that again in the future.

Unfortunately, though I got pictures of some of the prep and the centerpiece my sister put together out of stuff from my garden, I forgot to take pictures of us actually enjoying the food! Oh well, I did remember to get pictures of everyone afterwards.

For supper the next day, we mashed up the rest of the scalloped potatoes, made some glazed carrots, and used the rest of the stuffing, some turkey, cranberry sauce, and gravy to make a Thanksgiving shepherd’s pie. That was really delicious too and something we’ll keep in mind for next time too.

I’ll likely post some of these recipes in the next little while, as some were from a magazine borrowed from a friend, and others were found on the internet, and I want to be able to find them again later.

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The weather was beautiful most of the trip, though on Friday banks of fog kept rolling in throughout the day. No rain though, so that’s good. It means we’ve still never been on a rainy Tofino trip, quite an accomplishment I think! Here are some pictures from the weekend. I didn’t want to bring my good camera on to the beach (though I did once) and we don’t have a point and shoot, so the majority of these pictures are taken with a cell camera.

Meredith on the beach. You can see the cabins we stayed in behind her.

The fog rolling in

Taking a break from building sand castles and splashing in the water

Meredith had a blast climbing on these rocks.

Here's to give you some idea of the height. At least twice as tall as my head. Kris is trying to get her to put her hands up in victory after climbing.

She would need a little bit of help coming down, but then she would just turn around and climb right back up again. She was really good at finding hand and foot holds and would try out different routes up. It was neat to watch. She was pretty fearless too. Here she took off up the rock before Kris was even remotely ready for it lol.

The fire isn't really a raging, out-of-control bonfire; camera phones just don't have great shutter speeds. Meredith kept signing and saying "hot" and trying to blow on it.

I have more pictures and other places that we went, but I don’t want to make this post too long so I’ll split the rest into another post.

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First, Meredith is doing wonderfully. She seems to be going through a learning spurt right now. It seems that she says a new word we haven’t heard her say before every day. She has so many new abilities, she’s even counting a little bit and seems to recognize some letters and colours. Though we don’t drill her on any of these things, so I couldn’t say for sure. I think she is on the verge of potty training. If we leave her diaperless, she will often go and sit on the potty of her own accord to pee or poo. With diapers on, she still doesn’t signal before she goes, but we’re definitely getting there. She has started sitting her doll on the potty or toilet and making our “psss” sound for peeing though, and then pointing and clapping for the doll. It’s really cute.

She finally got her eighth front tooth last week, and I think she may still be teething this week. She’s nursing pretty much constantly. It’s actually really starting to wear on me. She was up every hour or two through the last couple of nights nursing (prior to that she slept 6-8 hours in a row most nights) and it seems during the day I can’t sit down to relax without her wanting to come join me and nurse. Don’t get me wrong, I love our nursing relationship, but it is hard some days. And while most days if I don’t feel like nursing at the time she asks she is okay accepting food or a drink or play and cuddling as a substitute, these last couple of days she hasn’t been at all. I remind myself that there is a reason, whether I’m aware of that reason or not, and that the times she needs it most are not the times to refuse her. We’d been discussing how she’d gotten tall and thin, so it’s possible that it’s because she is growing out now, or maybe it’s just all the learning she’s been doing recently.

We went to Calgary for a visit with family a few weeks ago, and it went really well. My parents have been separated since the beginning of April, and it was obviously a good thing that should have happened years ago. They are both so much happier and more pleasant to be around. The trip was a bit of a whirlwind, trying to fit in so many people in just 7 days. We drove both ways, though I think until Meredith (and any other children we have in the future) are a bit older, we may fly from now on. The ride wasn’t actually that bad either way, but twelve hours stuck in a car, even with breaks, is a lot to ask of anyone, let alone a two year old. We did do most of the driving at night, but even still.

Now, we are currently dogless. We left Tipsy in Calgary with my mom. Part of me is sad and I miss her, but I have to be honest and say that mostly I feel relieved that she’s in a home where she seems much much happier, and is doing so much better. I volunteered at the SPCA for seven years in my teens and used to scorn anyone who would rehome a dog, so I never thought I would do it. I don’t think I would still ever dump an animal at the SPCA where I don’t know what would happen to it or where it would go though. Reactions when I tell people range from “It’s about time, that dog was neurotic”, to “I wondered when you were going to find her a new home”, to “When are you getting another one?”. lol, unfortunately for her, it doesn’t seem she was well thought of around here, which is too bad because she is a very sweet, friendly little dog when she’s comfortable and happy. Anyone who knows her really well actually really loves her. But she also had neurological problems and fear aggression, and because of the two combined wasn’t very trainable in some ways. We got her from a breeder who was ill, and she was the only puppy in her litter, and so for the first 6 months of her life she grew up completely unsocialized.

We didn’t walk Tipsy except at night because she was aggressive and stressed with other dogs or people around. We are the type of dog owners who want to be able to give a dog an inch and not worry about it. We want to be able to let a dog run ahead on the leash and sniff sometimes, come up on the furniture, go first out the door, sleep in our bed, get free love, etc. We are the type of owners who have a dog to be his companion and friend, not his master. Tipsy was the type of dog who if you gave her an inch, she’d take a mile, and then try and take more. We had to make sure she knew we were dominant, or she would get stressed and nervous. When new people visited, she often had to be locked in her kennel or she’d be a nervous wreck. There’s so much more I could say about her, but I don’t want to go into all the reasons we had for giving her to my mom, suffice it to say that she is doing wonderfully there, in a quieter home with a very friendly, submissive dog, and it really makes any guilt and heartache we had over the decision dissipate. My mom had a dog pass away two summers ago, and her current dog has been in mourning ever since. He loves having another dog around too and Tipsy is learning about doggy communication from him, so it’s a good partnership.

All that being said, we (and by that, I mean mostly me, though Meredith has gone looking for her a few times) really miss having a dog around. But I’m being picky about any new dog we get. He/she has to be friendly, good with kids, confident, trainable, friendly… Because I stay at home, I have lots of time to spend with a dog, but I want to spend that time having fun and going for walks, not constantly correcting behaviours or trying to change bad habits. We weren’t really in a rush, but I put out a few feelers to some local rescue groups, and as it turns out we may end up adopting one sooner rather than later.

Kris got his tonsils out last week. He’s been in a lot of pain this week. He had obstructive sleep apnea, and neither of us were getting much sleep because of it. It caused other problems too, like he has always had problems breathing through his nose. He went to an ENT who recommended a tonsillectomy. He got a second opinion from our GP, who is very holistic, and a naturopath. Both gave some suggestions on things to try, but after looking at his throat said his tonsils were some of the biggest they’d ever seen. (He also had a hygienist say the same thing to him without being asked.) He went on an elimination diet for 13 weeks, which did seem to be helping a little. He was snoring less at least, but he still wasn’t getting a good night’s sleep or breathing easier, so when we got a call that the surgery had been scheduled he decided to go ahead with it. It’s too early to tell if it fixed the sleep apnea, but we’re hopeful. He’s been drinking a lot of green smoothies and other cold, soft foods.

This weekend we’re heading out again, this time just for a short plane ride to Kelowna though, for Kris’ grandmother’s funeral. She was 95 and had lived a good life, so I think it will be more a celebration of her life than a mourning of her passing. Hopefully, Kris will be feeling well enough by then to go.

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I’m lucky too in that I know a couple of close friends who plan to unschool as well, and there is a large homeschooling network in Victoria where we can meet other kids too. Socialization is the least of my worries. (How my mom will react is one of the biggest concerns. She will flip. Oh well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. ) Luckily, my sister-in-law is considering unschooling as well, and if her parents are okay with it I think that may help my mom at least give it a chance. She doesn’t like to be the odd one out.

We’re not even 100% decided yet anyway, we still have lots of time, but it’s definitely what we’re leaning towards. I would have loved to be unschooled as a kid. I know my sisters say they enjoyed school and would have hated homeschooling though. (Though, there is a huge difference between unschooling and homeschooling. I think I would have hated homeschooling too, besides getting to do things at my own pace.) And my children will always have a choice. If she decides she wants to try school, of course we would let her try it out. And if she decided to stay, well that would be okay too.

I’ve included some quotes, but if you’re interested in reading from a teen’s perspective, the whole article is a good read.

Education from the Free Eye

The one thing I noticed the first day though, was how little “socialization” time there is. That’s one thing all the kids say, “I get to hang out with my friends!”. Definitely not the kind of “hanging out” I was used to. At that point it seemed like a stupid reason to want to be there.

 I also understood why public school kids act like they do. It’s called loss of motivation.

Some personalities are different and can endure 12 years of school plus college, most cannot. Between teachers telling them they’re not good enough, and wasting years of their life on something that doesn’t really matter, they get fried. Most of the time it goes unnoticed too, you just kind of evaporate. I started to feel the same thing happening to me just in those nine months. Every thought you have, dream you want to fulfill, inspiration that strikes you, it all goes on the back burner, and eventually you just forget how to live any other way altogether.

From Kevin’s mom in the comments:

He was also very disappointed at how little socialization there actually is in school and he felt that he could better use his time at home or doing other things. He wasn’t able to pursue his own passions and interests because of all the busy work at school. He missed being able to pursue things on a whim when interest in something struck him. He was overall bored with the experience and felt that it zapped his curiosity about the world. I think it is good to look at all the angles before you make the decision to go to school but you also have to remember that everyone’s experiences with it are different.

And this comment is the type of thing I hear all the time and one of the things that really motivates me to unschool:

And if you ever had the privilege of being around a group of unschoolers you would know how incredible most of these kids are; the most well-rounded, passionate, interesting, kind, open-minded, free-thinkers that I’ve had the pleasure to be around!!

My dad traveled a lot when he was done school. On one of his travels he met a kid whose parents had pulled him out of school to travel with him and he was basically unschooled. My dad tells me that that kid was one of the most interesting eight year olds that he’d ever met and could hold his own on all sorts of topics with adults. I’ve sort of talked a bit with my dad a bit about unschooling, and while he’s worried about the socialization aspect (of course, who isn’t? I can’t believe how often that comes up), I think in the end he will remember that eight year old and be really supportive. I only hope the rest of my family will follow suit!

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We spent Thanksgiving with my relatives in Langley. My mom’s brother, sister, and mother all live there. In particular, I’m very close to one of my aunts (my mom’s brother’s wife, follow that?) and my cousins. My aunt is like a second mom to me, and I’m far more like her than my own mom. She is much more open and understanding about our way of parenting as well. My mom and my sister drove up and met us in Langley.

Then we came back here, and a few days later my mom and sister came over here and stayed for a week. It was nice to see them, but my mom is a bit of a stressful person to be around. She has major mood swings and will sometimes get angry for seemingly no reason. She also seemed to feel the need to micromanage Meredith and was constantly telling her to be gentle with the animals (even if I was standing right there petting the animals with her and she was fine). She also liked to call Meredith a “drama queen” (even when there were very obvious reasons why she was upset) and rolled her eyes when I picked her up or hugged her when she was upset. I’m sorry to say it, but it does make me glad not to live in the same city. Now that I have my own daugher, I also find it sad to think that she was so disconnected from us that she thought we cried so much for no reason. Sometimes I don’t know the reason, but the majority of the time there’s a very obvious reason, be it teething, stress from traveling, etc. My sister was also labeled a drama queen (and still often hears that), and yet my mom will storm off (for no reason that we can figure out!) at times and expect someone to follow her and ask what’s wrong and sympathise with her.

It was great to spend the time with my sister though. I consider her to be one of my best friends and Meredith adored her and at times actually wanted to be with her more than with me! *sniffle*

Halloween was fun. I was visiting with a great friend and her son. It’s so wonderful to spend time with parents who have similar values to me, and her son (who is older than Meredith) is such a sweet kid and in a really fun stage too. We went through baby clothes (she is pregnant) and it was almost enough to make me want another soon-ish. But I’d like to wait a little longer in case my milk dries up or Meredith weans herself while I’m pregnant as children sometimes do. I haven’t got my period back again yet anyway. I don’t want them to be too far apart though!

I got home, and to my surprise a really great friend from Calgary was here, just for the day. Turns out WestJet was doing a special for anyone with the last name Web, Sweet, Candy, or Orange. They could fly for free just the one day, so he came out to visit us. We went to a Halloween party just for a couple of hours, then came back here to hand out candy. I dressed Meredith up and took her out just for about 20 minutes, around our co-op and a little bit next door. She had a great time. Many of the people let her pick out a candy from their bowls, and she would put it in her bag herself and then reach for another and most of them let her have another too. I will have to post some pictures tomorrow if I get a chance. We actually didn’t end up with much candy though because I put a lot of it into our bowl to give away when we got home again. I kept a few things for Kris and I to eat and we let Meredith try a little as well.

Meredith is teething again. I thought she might cut the tooth on Halloween, but she didn’t. It looks really sore this time around. It’s quite swollen and red. Lots of nursing and a little bit of Gumomile seems to be keeping it tolerable for her this time though. She still has her teething necklace too. I think that combined with the traveling and having guests has made this month a little bit stressful for her, and at times very small things can make her very upset. I think it’s often a build up and the small thing that seems to have caused the problem is really more like the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.

Regardless, I adore the stage she is at right now. She is so much fun, and I just love everything about her. She loves to help out, and will help with laundry, dishes, putting things away, or any other little jobs we give her. She is picking up a lot of signs and has made up a couple more of her own, and her spoken vocabulary seems to be expanding as well. She definitely knows what “no” means, and though she’s never said it yet, she will shake her head or nod when we ask her questions. I love that I can ask her things and she can tell me the answer now. Sometimes there is still some guessing involved, but it makes it so much easier.

Anyway, I am going to try to update a little more often this month, even if it’s just short. It should be a slower month for us, though we will be helping a friend move at one point. I hope everyone out there who celebrates it had a great Halloween!

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Meredith is doing great.  It is so amazing to me how much she grows and changes in such a short time.  It’s cliché, but it’s so true, they really do grow up so fast.  If I was ever worried that cosleeping, extended breastfeeding, responding to her needs, etc, would make her overly dependent (and I wasn’t), there are no fears now.  She is turning into a little toddler instead of a baby, and definitely trying to find her independence as she does.  I really savour my nights and her naps cuddling now, since it doesn’t happen much otherwise.  I really feel like we’re being rewarded for giving her room and allowing her to make mistakes and try things on her own, while still being there if needed and for support.  I loved being around Kris’ family this past weekend.  They are all so supportive of how we parent and had nothing but good things to say.

She has had the occasional “tantrum” I guess, but there is always a very obvious reason.  Mostly, she is frustrated about something or tired.  She is down to one nap a day most days now, unless she wakes up really early (really early for us being any time before 8, don’t hate me ), but almost still needs two.  She would nap at 6-6:30-ish most days I think, but then is awake at 8 and won’t go back to sleep until much later.  If we wait until 7:30 or 8 she will fall asleep and be asleep for the night.  I don’t make an effort not to let her sleep earlier than that.  I will nurse her when she wants to nurse or if she seems tired, but we don’t go for our nightly walk until after 7:30 and that is usually how she ends up falling asleep in the evenings.  

Mostly, it’s very easy to see why she’s upset and to work with her to find a solution.  I haven’t found any need to ignore her, even if she’s upset “just” because she wants attention.  I think attention is a valid need, and my husband or I sometimes feel like we want more attention too, and I don’t ignore him to cure him of that.  And I don’t purposely not give her what she wants just to teach her a lesson about tantruming.  I find the conventional “wisdom” about tantrums so silly now that I have my own child.  Working with her is so much easier for all of us than working against her, and quicker too.

I have so much more I want to post about, but it’s (long past) bed time and I didn’t sleep well last night either.  I have some pictures to post later and more specific examples and lots more to say.

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I could write about the barbecue we had on Saturday for Meredith’s birthday. It was a lot of fun, some of my favorite family from Vancouver showed up as well as some friends and one of Kris’ coworkers. Meredith had a blast and my cousin (who works with young children) and her boyfriend spent a lot of time playing with her, which meant I could sit and relax and chat with people without worrying. That was nice too. I wish that particular cousin (or any of my cousins from that family really) lived on the island, because I’d definitely be comfortable with her as a babysitter eventually.

Or about going to Nanaimo yesterday to visit with Annie, Paxye, and another friend of ours. It was the first time I’d ever met Paxye in real life and it was so neat to actually be able to meet her and her boys and husband and talk with them. Meredith was full of beans and kept wandering outside when everyone else was in or inside when everyone else was out but she seemed to be having fun. We went to a great park with a scary slide, and later to a lake, though Meredith was too sleepy to enjoy the beach much.

Or maybe I should talk about the job offer Kris got, and then declined. Turns out, his current company is a lot more competitive than we thought they were. While the job offer did involve a raise, it wasn’t substantial and their RRSP contributions are far less than the current job, meaning overall only about a 3% raise. Since Kris is expecting a 5-10% raise in November (based on a recent review) from his current job, moving would actually mean a decrease in pay.

I could mention the doctor’s appointment. I actually never intended to do well-baby checks, and haven’t done as many as most people do, but when her first doctor tried to bully me into having her checked by a pediatrician (they only look after sick babies here) because Meredith has a small head for her age, I left that doctor. I wasn’t really worried about whether we even had a doctor or not since there’s always the walk-in clinics, but then I heard of a holistic MD accepting patients and made an appointment. Having a doctor who supports us not vaccinating, extended breastfeeding, delaying solids, cosleeping, etc, is actually kind of a relief. I like knowing that if something were to come up, there is someone in the medical profession who won’t spend her time trying to bully me into vaccines (like I’ve heard happens to other parents) rather than dealing with the real issue at hand. This doctor actually works full time as an instructor in the yoga studio she owns; being a doctor is just a part time thing she does on the side. She’s also fully supportive of my not coming back in for any more well-baby checks and just making appointments if I have concerns.

I’m tired today though. I think instead of talking about any of those, I’ll just go have a nap with my baby.

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My dad doesn’t understand how I could not want to put her down in a separate room, I don’t understand how he could. If I need to get stuff done, I put her in our mei tei and she sleeps while I get stuff done. Today, I just wanted to sit and hold her and read my e-mails.

She stirred a few times to nurse or shift positions. She was sucking slowly when she woke up for good. Her eyes opened and went immediately to my face. I was watching her, and she gave me a huge grin. She always smiles at me if she sees me watching her when she wakes up.

I cherish my time holding her. Now that she has started crawling, she doesn’t want to be held all the time anymore. She spends far more time on the ground than in arms. My parents think she is going to be insecure and never be independent. I’m not worried. And besides, interdependence is more important to me than independence.

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